October 01, 2006

Routine Maintenance Never Fits My Schedule

You know how it seems that regardless of the situation, or the market or the product, there is always a car analogy waiting in the wings to annoy you? Why is it that every example is expected to be made more easy to understand because you can relate it to a brand of car, how well they are kept up, or horsepower and engines? It seems like the English language ran out of nouns and adjectives to adequately describe most incidents, but we've all managed to imbibe Kelly's Blue Book and your automobile owner's manual.

Recently, I mentioned how my lack of routine maintenance on my teeth turned into a litany of dental visits, to the tune of four in four days (some kind of record, to be sure). While at the dentist, I was given the standard lectures on how to take better care of myself, and the old, reliable analogies were thrown out there. "You know, fillings/gums/etc. are like your car. If you don't rotate the tires/change the oil/etc. every few thousand miles, you will have problems."

Well, thank you very much, Dr. Einstein, D.D.S. But you don't realize who you're talking to.

Instead of a maniacal auto-obsessed gearhead who changes the oil in his driveway and can analyze every ping with a simple pop of the hood, you're talking to somebody who very recently managed not to get the oil changed in his 1998 Mercury Tracer for more than 6,700 miles, more than double what is advised. In fact, as I had the oil changed on New Year's Eve in 2005, I went a full nine months between Jiffy Lube visits, before somewhat reluctantly taking care of it yesterday.

So, when somebody says I should have the same level of "routine maintenance" for me or anything else, they're in trouble. I'm sure part of the issue resides with my ego telling me the rules don't apply.

Want me to pay that bill within 30 days? Why? Because it's convenient for you? Well, send me another notice, and I'll think about it. Want me to see the dentist every six months? Why, because some bureaucrat decided that was the new rule? Want me to update my driver's license to show where I really live instead of somewhere I used to? What's the point? Heck, even my bank checks still say I live in Belmont, and I haven't been there since 2002. What do I care - the money still comes out of the account...

So long as the lights stay on, the water keeps running, and my belongings don't get repossessed, it really doesn't bug me if you get paid within 10 days or 90 days. I have a primary care physician, but I bet you he doesn't know me, and I certainly haven't seen him this year. And if my car starts to slow down for whatever reason, I'll keep driving it until it simply stops. Then I'll get a new one. But don't tell me I should have rotated the tires and gotten the air pressure to 32 pounds per square inch. Those rules are for other people.

Listening to ''Better Off Alone'', by Alice Deejay (Play Count: 5)

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