Be a Real Friend to Your Social Networking "Friends"

Not every single contact you make online is somebody you would want to spend time with in real life. While you might be following thousands of people and making new "friends" on Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, FriendFeed and all the other networks, you would likely hesitate before sending them an open invitation to your home. But I've personally seen many examples of people I've known online crossing the chasm and operating in the world once reserved for classmates, colleagues, fellow church members and family. What might have started out as a casual acquaintance, or connection through similar interests can easily transform to one where you can connect in a more personal way.

The debate of labeling such a contact a "friend" is not new. Mark Dykeman, in a post on Mashable, asked in September, Is a Social Media Friend Really a Friend?, asking, "Would you trust a social media friend with your money? Your home? Your significant other? Your children? Your life?"

The answer of course is not uniform. Each example listed above has a certain weight of importance, and implied risk. But even if you don't want to casually hand your keys and credit cards over to somebody you have been throwing sheep at on Facebook for two weeks doesn't mean you can't find real connections with people who will help you out.

A few examples:

1. Would you invite a friend you met online to "crash" at your place for a few nights instead of finding a hotel?
2. Would you refer a friend you met online to a job position you found, and introduce them as a trusted candidate?
3. Would you purchase a product and ship it to an online friend in another state without getting paid up front?
4. Would you pay the phone/Internet/electrical bill for an online friend who you knew was short on cash?
5. Would you split a hotel room with an online friend at a conference even if you'd never met?

I use these examples because they are all things I've either done or had done by friends of mine online.

For example, although I had looked high and low for a Nintendo Wii Fit throughout the Bay Area, and on Amazon.com, I had no success in finding one. (See my complaining on FriendFeed) But Jesse Stay, who has been a blogger here over the last two months, and someone I got to know on multiple social networks, let me know his mother has a knack for tracking down the evasive products. Sure enough, on Halloween day, a box came to my office, containing the Wii Fit, and displaying the address of Mrs. Stay, from Massachusetts. My wife and I are now amusing ourselves in acting like we're going to use the Fit to pursue something resembling an exercise program.

In the age of PayPal, pushing money around also has become easier, assuming you have it. If you watch people's comments on Twitter and other networks closely enough, you can sense stress, or, when there are gaps, know if something has impacted their usual schedule. Sometimes, it's a money issue, and reaching out via PayPal, or making a call to the utility that's getting in their way can give them the breathing room to keep going as they were before. I'm not suggesting you start playing charity and laying out thousands of dollars, but in the time where you can lend a helping hand, we've reached the point where online acquaintances are just as deserving as those offline. And if you ask them to pay you back is of course up to you.

Similarly, way back in 2001 a friend I knew from an Apple online stock board said he wanted to fly out to see the MacWorld Expo, but he didn't have a place to stay. Having never met him, I offered my apartment for three nights, and he and I took off to see Steve Jobs in person. I also shared a room at the recent BlogWorld Expo with someone I'd never met.

Why so trusting? A few things. First, I believe people are inherently good, and I've chosen to interact with good people online, who share ideas, are trustworthy and positive to be around. Robert Scoble says "you are defined by who you follow" and if I were following people online that I wouldn't be friends with in the real world, then that is my mistake. You also, thanks to the ease of publishing and dissemination of opinion, have the option of publicly embarrassing or outing an individual who has wronged you, so the incentive to do well and act within accepted guidelines is strong.

Of course, not every friend is equal. Just because almost 2,600 people have chosen to follow my account on Twitter doesn't mean that I am going to give them cash and a place to stay. But for those who I have had many interactions with over time in multiple networks, and traded e-mail or phone calls with, I know I am building relationships that have a potential to transition to real world. That's why I know at some point, I am going to take my wife out and let Drew Olanoff babysit my twins, why I bet my kids will be having playdates with Milan Scoble and Thomas Buchheit, and why I've tried to help find new careers for many people whose blogs I read and whose work I follow. These investments I'm making now are going to be paying off, and I encourage you to take a look at your own online "friends" and see if you too can be a real-world friend to them.

Starts With B, Ends With N: Six Letters.

If confronted with this empty space in your crossword puzzle, there are undoubtedly a wide array of solutions. But two featured prominently for me yesterday: Boston and Brogan. On the East Coast for a business trip, I notified my Twitter stalkers followers I was flying out Tuesday, and I got a somewhat in jest reply from social networking maven Chris Brogan and Boston area native, who wrote, "What's the plan?"

After connecting with him via e-mail and phone, I got the opportunity to bring Chris and a few friends to last night's Boston Celtics game, where they beat LeBron James and the Cleveland Cavaliers by the score of 92-87, in a game that didn't seem all that close.

Though there was a game on, I got the opportunity to learn a lot about what makes Chris tick, what applications and Web services he's most jazzed about, and, continuing on this week's theme, evangelizing FriendFeed, which he joined last night. It was a pleasure getting to know Chris, sharing stories, and personally connecting with someone I already respected online. I believe when these opportunities present themselves, we should take advantage of them, so I appreciate Chris' taking time out of his busy schedule on short notice.

This open offer doesn't just stand for Chris. If you're out of town and visiting the Bay Area, or you find out I'll be in your area, please do contact me and let's see what we can do!

As Google Relents, Spokeo Holds Tight to Auto-Friending

While Google Reader noisily backed off yesterday, stemming the tide of privacy complaints, other services, like Spokeo, are not changing their policies of automatically linking friends' data from one service to another.

In a post called, "Why we don’t require friend requests", Harrison, an occasional commenter on this blog, says that while some are uncomfortable with the idea their activities on one site will be shared with friends on another site, the service is simply utilizing public content, and as you don't need to ask permission to subscribe to somebody's RSS feed reader, you shouldn't have to ask permission to view their public Flickr photos, view their public Amazon Wish List, or view their public ratings of songs on Pandora, for example.

(See earlier coverage: Spokeo Upgrades RSS and Friend Tracker, Invites Available and PlugandPlay Expo Highlight: Spokeo)

New services like Spokeo thrive on transparency. If I have a friend on MySpace or Friendster, Spokeo will crawl popular services and find if I can get updates from their blogs or other activity. This can be done without the knowledge of the person being crawled, which is why I've heard other people refer to the company as "Spook-eo", remarking how spooky it is they can dredge up things you thought you had hidden away.

But Harrison brings up another great point, saying "We don't want to bother your friends."

I've complained ad nauseum about the stupid requests we get every day from applications my friends install on Facebook, or the countless e-mails from services I won't use, like Plaxo and Shelfari. If Spokeo sent out an e-mail to each friend to ask for permission to access each service, it'd be a nightmare.

It all comes back to the same issue, essentially, which we covered yesterday. If you have activity on the Web which is tied back to a single e-mail address or identity, it is public. That can range from posts on message boards years ago, to Google Reader shared items, to your del.icio.us bookmarks. There's no question I've probably said some silly things out there in the past I'd like erased, but we will live by transparency and die by it. I'm glad Spokeo isn't wussing out and changing its policy.

This "Hack" Has Two Meanings

In our tech-centered Web world, a hack is usually a bad thing - bringing up images of shadowed evil-doers aiming to break into computers or networks, looking to gain access to things not theirs, or instead, a hack is sometimes seen as a quick and dirty version or update to software - and not a good one at that. But in the world of media and reporting, a hack can instead mean "one who works hard at boring tasks" or "a mediocre and disdained writer" (Source: thefreedictionary.com).

My old editor in chief from days at the Daily Cal in Berkeley, Ryan Tate, has started up a new blog called "The Hack", self-described as "a journalist with delusions of computer science." While the blog's just getting off the ground, Ryan's already posted a few stories of note, including a get rich quick scheme building off my idea of converting .PST files to GMail-compatible mailboxes, a new killer feature for RSS feeds, and 7 suggestions to improve Google Docs.

While he and I overlapped terms at the Daily Cal, from 1996 to 1998, Ryan and I tag-teamed on some of the earliest editions of the newspaper's Web site, saw the paper and its reporters (including the two of us) repeatedly recognized in state-wide competitions, and occasionally clashed politically, as two aggressive, opinionated people working closely together will do. Now that time has healed those wounds, we're both vocally rooting each other on from the sidelines, and I hope this self-proclaimed "hack" keeps his blog on course.

Check it out at http://thehack.webmasher.com/.

Simpsons Movie: Woohoo! D'oh! Woohoo!

Saturday was a day I'd yearned for in excess of a decade and a half. After years and years of speculation and hope, I finally had the chance to enter a movie theater and see The Simpsons Movie. Nearly 90 minutes of The Simpsons in all their yellow, dysfunctional glory, without commercial breaks and much, much larger than ever before. I also was lucky enough to see the show with some of my closest friends and my wife.

As any good diehard will tell you, The Simpsons Movie wasn't perfect. There's no way that a single film can meet all the built-up hopes and expectations we had. There's no way that 87 minutes can provide the show's fans enough time to see all the minor characters we wanted. And for every laugh we had during the film, and there were many, we could find issues we would have improved were we running the show.

The show itself was divided into three parts. Simplified for spoiler avoidance, you had: Crisis, Escape and Resolution. The escape had the Simpsons headed to Alaska, away from Springfield, where all the fun is. The escapade to the great white north took the Simpson family out of their element, away from the hilarity of people who were greatly neglected in the film, like Apu, Patty and Selma, Groundskeeper Willy, and even usually non-funny folks like Principal Skinner, Gil the salesman, and the acne-ridden teenager whose voice is constantly breaking.

What I loved about the movie was that it started immediately and kept going at a quick pace. Without the usual buildup you see, even in the 30-minute weeklies, with delayed on-screen credits, the movie jumped into its element immediately, and one scene led to another. I loved the fact Bart and Homer continued their efforts to be the worst father-son combo of all time, and that the writers could take liberties with the content that aren't available on network television.

What I didn't like about the movie was the introduction of new characters, as in a series so rich as The Simpsons, there's really no need to add more to the mix and introduce their background. This also squeezed out some of the much-desired peripheral people. I also didn't like the utter non-believability of some parts. As dumb as that may sound, The Simpsons are largely funny because their antics could theoretically happen, as they reflect a certain element of our society. When they cross from potential reality to obvious supernatural, I'm annoyed. And the worst part? It was done all too soon. If Pirates of the Carribean and Dances with Wolves can touch the 3 hour mark, The Simpsons on the big screen deserved much more than just under 90 minutes. By the time the credits rolled, I wasn't ready to leave. Maggie's call for a sequel didn't fulfill my needs.

I didn't mind the story elements. Lisa is obviously a preachy environmentalist. Homer is clearly a misguided would-be do-gooder with negative results. The Flanders are still goody two-shoes. There were tips and nods to previous episodes for us die-hards. And trust me, I laughed - not as much as I did during the South Park movie a few years ago, but enough that I was happy I went.

Also - on the way home, Kristine and I stopped by the Kwik-E-Mart in Mountain View, in reality a converted 7-Eleven franchisee. While that was wonderfully amusing, it only struck home how we actually never saw the inside of the Kwik-E-Mart in the film. Seemed like a lost opportunity.

All in all, a great day. Great friends. Good fun. The completion of a much-anticipated dream, but one that left me wanting more. I may never be satisfied.

YouTube Debut of Ash Steffy: New Tenant

One of my best friends from high school, Ash Steffy, attended UCLA, pursued post-graduate study at the Art Center in Pasadena, and continues to follow his dreams as an aspiring film director in Hollywood. After much prodding by me, his much-anticipated short film debut has hit YouTube, in the form of "New Tenant", which covers a working stiff's efforts to pursue a 9 to 5 living, only to see one morning go hilariously awry. I hope you like it. Be sure to share with those you know would also enjoy it.

Direct link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZg0ErXRMTE

An All-Star Experience, Plus 37 Bucks

After leaving the office this evening, I didn't head straight home. Instead, I drove to my father-in-law's, where we continued a growing tradition of taking in the Major League Baseball All-Star Game, and enjoying a little wager between the two of us on a number of mundane elements in the game itself, such as who would hit the first double, whether the first pitch of the game was a ball or strike, and of course, which team, American or National, would emerge victorious.

Though he and I are separated by fifty years, both Ed and I share a passion for sports and competition. While I may be content to take in the events for what they are, he enjoys a side bet as much as the actual contest, placing $5 in each category, just like we do each year for the Super Bowl, or even when we play cards, where we can sometimes be seen taking on Hearts or Cribbage for a nickel a point. This evening, I drove to his place, dropped off my laptop bag, avoiding the Web and office demands for a few hours, we made our selections, and let the drama unfold on the TV screen before us.

As Ichiro Suzuki hit the first inside the park home run in All-Star game history, as the hits racked up, and the American League pushed toward victory, I sat, pen in hand, marking which of us had won each category, seeing whether the total hits broke 12 1/2, or if all runs plus hits plus errors in the game would exceed 21 1/2. Though it was just the two of us playing in a friendly wager, you' have thought you'd entered the sports book in Vegas, for how seriously we took each at-bat.

When all was said and done, the American League had won, 5-4, their 10th straight victory in the annual series, much to my delight. My father-in-law was pleased I'd spent the evening with him, and I was happy to see that for once, I had won the bet. After too many events that have seen me paying him for the privilege of competing, today, we emptied out his wallet to the tune of $37. Can you think of another friend who pays better than this one does?

Going Into a Food Coma

Dinner at Ruth's Chris steakhouse is an undertaking, one that requires planning, pace and time. Tonight, in celebration of a friend's birthday, my wife and I headed to San Francisco to pad our waistlines and empty our wallets. Both were accomplished.

Ruth's Chris aims not to skimp on quality, atmosphere or portions. A typical meal consists of a 24 ounce steak for more than $40, plenty of side dishes, salad, bread and all the soda, water or wine you can drink, depending on preference. And if you miss dessert, that's a mistake. While grabbing cheesecake or ice cream can set you back another $10, it's absolutely essential.

I first visited a Ruth's Chris in Manhattan, and while I expected the West Coast restaurant to be lower in stature, tonight's dinner was just as filling. I'm sure I'll be avoiding the scales for at least a week, and I just might go easier on the ballpark food the next time we are in Oakland. Maybe.

For the five of us, even without alcohol, our bill, following dinner, sides, and dessert, came to almost $450. The tip added $100 more. But when it comes to a good steak, you shouldn't compromise. Expect to eat well, have a great time, don't be rushed, and enjoy the experience. I expect we just might be back on some near future occasion, ready to focus on the food.

Amateur Bloggers: Friends Give It A Try

Well below the upper crust of bloggers and outside the walled gardens of MySpace and Facebook, there are millions of smaller bloggers who use their blogs not to break news, or count RSS feeds, but instead, to chronicle their lives and offer amusing anecdotes.

While my Web intake is dominated by those discussing technology, politics and sports, there are a few friends who I've enjoyed seeing crop up. Some, I knew offline well before they went online. A pair here are keeping the personal home page alive whom I've never met but feel I know well.

Today, we share half a dozen in no particular order...

Tony Chung at http://www.geekwhat.com/
Main Topics: Music, Apple, Movies and What to do After College?
Can't Miss Post: 12:59AM, Reflection on College

Jonathan Crawford at http://web.mac.com/crawfordblog
Main Topics: Life In Israel, Baby Number Two on the Way
Can't Miss Post: Israeli Independence Day

Nicole Johnson at http://s490.blogspot.com/
Main Topics: East Bay Living, Camping, and Bad Nutrional Tips
Can't Miss Post: Stupid Hippie Company

Jeff Narduzzi at http://jeffanddarcy.blogspot.com/
Main Topics: Sports, Travel, Movies and Friends
Can't Miss Post: Bosco Heads to Santa Rosa for the Long Weekend

Farrah Walker at http://farrahspot.blogspot.com/
Main Topics: Men, Dating, Media and Celebrity
Can't Miss Post: Speaking of Betrayals

Bonnie Wren at http://bonniewren.com/
Main Topics: Games, Family, and Her Bulldog
Can't Miss Post: When Sitting Goes Wrong

My hat off to each of the above for sharing their lives with us and staying interesting enough to keep watching. More to come soon.

Our Dog, Molly, Seems to be Doing Much Better

A little over a week ago, we had a mini-crisis here at home, when it looked like our 17-year-old beagle had undergone a major hit to her equilibrium. We were very concerned it would be something she wouldn't recover from, and could signal the beginning of the end for a dog who has stuck around for more than her fair share of time. But after a few vet visits, a battery of pills and ear drops, she's walking straight, sleeping through the night and keeping food down, so it looks as if the worst is over.


Molly relaxing this evening on the loveseat.
(Ignore the red-eye from the camera flash)
The veterinarian crew accurately surmised Molly was the victim of canine vestibular disease, further complicated by a pair of ear infections, and later, an irritated colon, which had emerged after she was unable to keep down her dinner too many times. Interestingly, instead of fancy animal-only drugs, Molly was prescribed more run of the mill prescriptions, including Benadryl, to calm her down, and Pepcid AC, to help her stomach problems.

As we've undergone this battle, it's been amazing to see how my first post on the subject reached far further than I had expected. Kent Newsome of Newsome.org noted the story, and remembered his family's loss of an 18-year old cat in 2003. But even more amazingly, Molly's story touched the hearts of beagle owners throughout the US, and likely abroad, when her story reached a BeagleWorld e-mail list, powered by Yahoo! Groups, sending many dog-lovers to our site.

One reader wrote, "The story about Molly is so sad." Another, "17 years though, going on 18....wow. I cried when I read it." and "It's funny as they turn to be seniors, they all look alike with their white faces and soulful eyes."

I didn't mean to send complete strangers to tears with our story. And those who were made sad by our first message should be relieved to know we're near a full turn-around for this beagle that just simply won't give up.

Molly the Beagle Sticking Around, But Remains Dizzy

Our 17-plus year-old beagle didn't think it was time to check out after all. Though all the symptoms we saw yesterday left us concerned she had possibly suffered a debilitating, possibly terminal, stroke, seizure or cranial bleed, a visit to the vet determined she has an inner ear problem that, with medication, can be solved in a week or so.

Neurological tests showed that Molly has "Canine idiopathic vestibular disease", often known as "old dog vestibular disease", for obvious reasons, though she might get ticked if she found out you thought she was in her declining years. Our veterinarian kept Molly on site through the day, reporting she was "doing very well", was cooperative and quiet, arguably the best patient they had.

Quick Googling on Canine idiopathic vestibular disease turned up some promising data, which says we can expect improvement in 72 hours, and full normalcy within 7-14 days.

I picked Molly up around 5:30, paid the bill, in the $200+ range, and took her home in time for her to get dinner, and a new treat, Benadryl, which has already got her extremely relaxed, catching a nap on our loveseat, covered in an Oakland A's blanket. Kristine and I will also team up to administer ear medicine for the next two weeks to help nurse Molly back to health.

After yesterday's scare, we know this dog isn't going to be around forever, but she looks like she'll stick this out and wait until the next crisis.

Our 17-Year-Old Beagle Is Slowing Down

My wife has had our beagle, Molly, in her life more than twice as long as she has had me, after picking up the then 5-year-old hound more than 12 years ago from the pound. Know that line about "love me, love my dog"? Well, it's true. That the dog and I hit it off right away and that Molly was sure about me, likely even before Kristine was, made our dating life and eventual proposal that much more likely to work out, and it did.

But in the five or so years I've known Molly, she's gone from a 12-year-old dog who chased me around the house to the point of her tongue hanging out, and sitting on her hind legs to beg for scraps from the table, to a much more docile hound who sleeps a likely 20 hours a day, is losing her eyesight and hearing, and needs to use a short set of stairs to climb to our bed. And you can forget about sitting on her hind legs or jumping for anything. Those times are long gone.

While much of her aging process, all the way into her 18th year, has been gradual, tonight I came home to see a remarkable change, one that could, sadly, be spelling out the beginning of the end. Something had happened to Molly that has impacted her equilibrium in a serious way, making her disoriented, and frankly, messy, as she can't make her way out to the balcony when necessary... Her eyes are repeatedly twitching, and her head and neck roll back and forth when she sits. Instead of walking straight, with her familiar limp, she meanders about and seems unable to get her bearing.

The good news is she doesn't look to be in pain in any way. Like any good scent-oriented beagle, she hasn't turned down food, though it took her a few tries to get through her dinner. She sniffed her way to a Milk bone dog biscuit I had held in front of her, but her approach was almost drunken in nature. She looks to my wife and me for attention and still wants to jump onto our couch and be next to us.

Since my wife and I were married, we have put some good money into this dog, to remove a toe one year that had become infected, to fix various moles and tumors, and to keep her in strong shape. Others are continually amazed at Molly's heartiness at 17, as it seems she is indestructible, but today, it looks like the wheels are getting wobbly and just might fall off. If they do, and when they do, it will be devastating, leaving our house just that much more empty. We know the end will some day come, but until today, we thought we had more time.


Other Molly-related posts:
Molly the Beagle Sleeping on The Job
Are the Beagle and the Roomba Conspiring?

Baseball Themed Belated Birthday Bash

With most families seeing April 8 as Easter Sunday this year, and my work-related travels taking me to San Diego this most recent week, today is the day my wife and I set aside to invite friends to our home for an Oakland A's themed birthday extravaganza. Now, with a few dozen expected to arrive in just over an hour, our house is decked out with all things baseball, the colors green and gold most heavily featured, of course.

We have the A's vs. the Rangers playing on both TVs, in the living room and bedroom, a baseball themed birthday cake, green and gold napkins and plates, ballpark food, including polish dogs, peanuts, jelly beans and Skittles (green and yellow hand selected). We have all matter of A's paraphernalia out, from team blankets to pot holders and bobbleheads. Should be a fun time.

I don't typically make a lot of noise around holidays and birthdays, especially my own, but the friends are arriving from all over. From the East Bay and the Peninsula, to lifelong pals driving up from the Los Angeles area, just for the event. As I told nearby neighbors, you will know the party is a success by what time the cops are called. But I was kidding. Or was I? You'll have to wait and see.

In Chico for Friends' 30th Birthday Bash

It's hard to believe I'm rapidly approaching the age of 30. It wasn't that long ago that being 30 represented the onset of being a mature adult leaning more toward middle age than being a kid. Now that we're only two months away, the date being April 8th to be precise, from changing my first digit from a 2 to a 3, we're changing our tune. 30 isn't that old. While turning 30 may be too old to start off a career in major league baseball, and while I won't set any records for young entrepreneurialship, there's plenty more to do, and I think we've done alright so far.

That said, I get to see my two best friends from high school reach 30 tomorrow, in what will be a dry run for me. My friends, who I've been close to for half our lives, since bonding together in 9th grade geekiness, are twins who are just 7 minutes apart. They turned 1 together, 10 together, 20 together, and now, 30. Today, my wife and I drove up 200+ miles or so through Northern California, to Chico, where we had gone to high school, and where their family and many friends still live. While the three of us have gone on to our own jobs and lives in the San Francisco Bay Area and the Los Angeles area, some feel much more comfortable in the smaller, slower, Chico - and could be here forever.

Living in fast-paced Silicon Valley might make me look down on the small town routine, but in an odd twist, the hotel we're staying at actually has free highest-speed wireless access (a must for me), meaning I have better Web speeds here, for free, than I did for $14.95 a night in New York last week. Odd how that is. We'll take it and won't complain. In minutes, though, we'll shut the lid on the laptop and join the real world, one of hugs and handshakes and hellos, with pizza and diet Coke galore. That'll be worth today's drive, as you can't replace a lifetime friendship with anonymous hits on a blog.